-
HTURD - Heisenturd's Reversible bucket hat
Regular price $30.00 USDRegular priceUnit price / per -
HTURD - tOinKeRs - Unisex Hoodie
Regular price $45.00 USDRegular priceUnit price / per -
HTURD - Heisenturd
Regular price $30.00 USDRegular priceUnit price / per -
HTURD x tOinKeRs - Embroidered Unisex Hoodie
Regular price $45.00 USDRegular priceUnit price / per -
Chillin' Out - Embroidered Beanie
Regular price $20.00 USDRegular priceUnit price / per -
Chillin' Out - Holographic stickers
Regular price $5.00 USDRegular priceUnit price / per -
HTURD - Heisenturd Embroidered
Regular price $25.00 USDRegular priceUnit price / per -
HTURD - Clance
Regular price $30.00 USDRegular priceUnit price / per
You ever wondered wtf I use to do all these killer memes? Check the box below!
Also if you want to save the photo to the right, you can make Heisenturd memes too! Let's grow through humor and connection
Heisenturd & The Crew
Heisenturd
Heisenturd is the shadowy, enigmatic figure at the helm of the drug empire. He is feared and respected by everyone in the organization. Heisenturd’s name is whispered in hushed tones, and the crew follows his orders with strict obedience. He is the brains behind the entire operation, from sourcing raw materials to distributing the final product.
Heisenturd is a ruthless, calculating mastermind who always stays two steps ahead of the law. His plans are meticulous, and his knowledge of both the drug world and business is unmatched. Under his leadership, the organization has flourished, expanding into new territories and taking on larger risks with every step. To the crew, Heisenturd is the ultimate authority figure, one who they believe never makes mistakes.
However, the truth about Heisenturd is far more complex. Heisenturd doesn’t exist—he is a persona created by Fred Miller, the seemingly simple Transporter, who suffers from schizophrenia. When Fred switches into the Heisenturd persona, he adopts an entirely different identity, becoming the criminal mastermind who runs the show. Heisenturd has a colder, more cunning personality, and operates with complete focus and precision. Unlike Fred, who appears meek and ordinary, Heisenturd is decisive and fearless.
When Heisenturd "appears," Fred slips in disguise and uses aliases to keep his true identity hidden, even from himself. Heisenturd takes on new recruits, manages the crew, and issues orders as if he were a separate individual. In these moments, Fred has no memory of his life as the Transporter. To everyone else, Fred and Heisenturd are two distinct people, and the crew never suspects that their leader is actually the quiet driver they interact with on a regular basis.
The brilliance of Heisenturd lies in Fred’s fractured mind. His alter ego allows him to perform acts of leadership and manipulation that Fred could never imagine himself capable of. The crew is none the wiser, continuing to operate under the illusion that Heisenturd is a distant, invisible boss.
Fred Miller
Fred Miller is an unassuming, average-sized man in his late 30s. His calm demeanor, soft-spoken nature, and ordinary appearance make him easy to overlook in a crowd—qualities that make him the perfect Transporter. Fred lives a simple life on the surface. He works as an Oober driver, taking on night shifts to make ends meet. His passengers come and go, and Fred’s role is to drive them safely from one point to another. But beneath the surface, Fred’s life is far from ordinary.
Fred got involved in the drug world by accident. One night, he picked up a passenger who offered him a lot of cash for what seemed like an innocent delivery. The money was too good to turn down, and Fred, who was struggling financially, took the job. Over time, Fred found himself taking on more deliveries, becoming the go-to driver for a shadowy organization led by a man known only as "Heisenturd." Fred never questioned his role. He was just the guy who made things happen—driving packages from one point to another without knowing or wanting to know what was inside.
Fred believes he’s nothing more than a cog in a larger machine, following the orders of the mysterious Heisenturd. He talks about Heisenturd with reverence, sharing tales of the orders he receives and the importance of the tasks he’s given. In his mind, Heisenturd is the mastermind behind the entire operation, and Fred is simply the loyal worker bee who follows instructions.
Fred is known for his exceptional driving skills. During one particular job, his driving abilities were noticed by Heisenturd (unbeknownst to Fred, this was his own alter ego), and he quickly earned a reputation as the Transporter who could always get the job done. He never asks questions, remains calm under pressure, and is trusted by the rest of the crew for his reliability.
However, Fred is completely unaware that Heisenturd doesn’t exist—he is Heisenturd. His schizophrenia keeps the truth hidden from him, and he lives in two separate realities, with no recollection of his actions when he becomes Heisenturd. For now, Fred continues to serve as the Transporter, blissfully ignorant of his own deeper involvement in the criminal operation.
Viktor Leary
Victor Leary, or "Chef," is the culinary mastermind behind the crew’s drug production. He was discovered by Heisenturd while cooking and selling drugs on the streets. Seeing Victor’s potential, Heisenturd brought him into the operation, where Chef now refines and perfects the drug recipes.
Chef is passionate about his work, treating the creation of drugs like an art form. He’s meticulous, creative, and always looking for ways to improve his craft. Heisenturd has mentored him closely, helping him evolve from a small-time street cook into the head chemist of the operation.
Outside of his drug-cooking role, Chef has a love for gourmet food and cooking in general, often experimenting with recipes when he’s not working. His passion for cooking is what keeps him grounded in the chaotic world he’s a part of.
Jerry 'Jay' Dawson
Jay Dawson, also known as Jerry, is the laid-back supplier for Heisenturd’s drug operation. He started small in the drug trade, building an extensive network that makes him the go-to guy for sourcing raw materials. Jay is always high on his own supply, but this doesn’t stop him from being an efficient and reliable part of the crew.
Known for his chill demeanor and twisted sense of humor, Jay loves pulling pranks on the crew, often spiking their food and drinks with a combination of different drugs (“good good”). His favorite prank target is Slick, who becomes erratic when drugged, causing chaos within the group. Despite his unpredictable nature, Jay’s connections are vital to the operation’s success.
A scar on his leg from a shark bite is a reminder of his wild youth, and his carefree attitude makes him a likable yet unpredictable figure. Though his antics sometimes cause problems, Jay remains loyal to the crew and never fails to deliver when it comes to sourcing what the team needs.
Clance
Clance is the stoic, muscular enforcer of the group. He stands tall with broad shoulders and an intimidating presence that commands respect. He rarely speaks but when he does, his voice is deep and authoritative. His serious demeanor gives the impression of a man who has seen and done things he’d rather not talk about.
Clance’s background is rooted in physical prowess—he used to compete in underground arm-wrestling tournaments, where he became a local legend. Heisenturd (Fred) noticed Clance during one such tournament, where he easily overpowered and dismembered a series of strongmen. It wasn’t just Clance’s strength that caught Fred’s attention but his quiet discipline and willingness to enforce rules.
Outside of his role in the operation, Clance works as a mechanic, where he spends his free time tinkering with machines. He also enjoys fishing, often retreating to the solitude of the water to clear his mind. His role in the crew is clear—he’s there to protect, to keep the perimeter secure, and to deal with any threats. His silent but strong presence makes him the ideal enforcer. No one dares cross him.
Slick
Slick owns and operates an ice cream parlor, a legitimate front for laundering the crew’s drug money. His character is sleazy yet charming, with a keen sense of business acumen. Slick is known for wearing the parlor’s merchandise, which will also be available for NFT holders in real life.
Slick’s ice cream shop has a fun, family-friendly appearance, but behind the scenes, it’s where the dirty money gets cleaned up. His ability to launder money makes him a key player in the operation, and his seemingly harmless business makes him the perfect cover.
Slick
In the "Slick Under the Influence" version, his character becomes wild and erratic after being drugged by Jay. He goes from being the suave businessman to an unpredictable and chaotic figure, often causing unintentional havoc. Despite this, Slick remains loyal to Heisenterd and the crew, using his shop to keep the operation running smoothly.
Scoot
Scoot, a younger, tech-savvy member of the crew, handles all the cyber operations. He’s the resident hacker, responsible for coordinating online drug transactions, covering tracks, and managing the underground network they use to distribute their product. Scoot has an easygoing personality, often lightening the mood with his humor and relaxed attitude, which contrasts with the high-stakes work he does.
Scoot is a prodigy in web development and cybercrime, having built an entire underground drug-selling platform that operates like a well-oiled machine. Heisenterd saw Scoot’s potential early on and brought him into the operation, utilizing his technical skills to expand their reach. Scoot is always ahead of the game, staying updated on the latest technology and cybersecurity methods to avoid law enforcement detection. He’s also the early riser of the group, known for making the crew coffee before starting his day behind the computer screen. While Scoot might seem like the laid-back tech guy, he’s fully dedicated to the operation and takes immense pride in his contributions.
Joseline 'JO'
Joseline, often referred to simply as "JO," is the team’s Hitwoman/Forensic Cleaner, responsible for removing evidence, cleaning up messes, and ensuring that no trace is left behind. She’s a sharp, no-nonsense woman with a strong personality. Her appearance is striking—she can switch between glamorous and inconspicuous, depending on the situation. Jo is known for her adaptability, thriving in any environment.
Jo’s rough upbringing made her tough and resourceful. She grew up on the streets, learning to fend for herself at a young age. This background gave her an edge in the world of crime, where she learned to outthink and outmaneuver those around her. She’s also an expert hitwoman, with an impeccable record for leaving no loose ends.
Jo’s tough exterior hides a complex personality. She’s fiercely loyal to those she cares about and is a beloved member of the crew, even though she’s blunt and often unafraid to speak her mind. Her past made her wary of trusting people, but once she’s on your side, she’s there for good. She often acts as the mediator when tensions arise within the crew, though her methods are far from gentle.Heisenturd
tOinKeRs
By Heisenturd